Those Three Words
by JazFoster
Summary: Kirsty struggles to cope after Warren's death. Who will be there to help or will it make things more complicated?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Okay, so you may know my other FanFic (In Sickness and in Health). Well I got tired of that story, so long after Warren;s death after the actual programme. So I thought I'd start another too, with a bit more Kadam romance (; THIS IS SET JUST AFTER WARREN'S DEATH.**

_KIRSTY'S P.O.V._

Impatient tears spilled down my cheeks as I threw myself onto the crudely made bed in the ED on-call room, bashing my head repeatedly against the pillow in a feeble attempt to banish the confusing chain of thoughts from my mind. It was no use. I gave in, sank my head into the cushion, covered my tear-stained face with my hands and allowed every contradicting thought to overwhelm me again.

_I'm free. _I thought. _My husband is dead. I'm a widow. I should be distraught…_ _But no more abuse, no more pain, no more fear. I can physically heal, fix things with Nita and finally give her the happy life i deserves. If only she could see it that way. She misses her dad, I understand that, but that's because she doesn't know the monster he really was. We're better off without him, we can start afresh, find someone who understands the concept of care, love and compassion. It's only been a day since he died! I should be missing my husband, my one and only, my love at first sight, but all I feel is lust for – _

"Kirsty?" My eyes snapped open. Adam. Of course, right on cue. I sat bolt upright, allowing a few stray brunette curls to hide my face as i attempted to casually wipe my glistening cheeks free of the trails the tears had left behind. "Isn't it a bit early to back at work? ...I'm sorry, did I startle you?" Adam asked, awkwardly hovering in the doorway.

I shook my head vigorously, unable to speak through silent sobs, staring at the floor so as not to let Adam see the pain on my face. It didn't work, he noticed. It's hard to hide the fact that you've been crying when the tears continue to flow. He was by my side in a second. "Oh, Kirsty…"

As his right arm wrapped around my shoulders, his other hand found my chin, attempting to pull my gaze to meet his. "Look at me." He yearned. I refused. Being in his arms was hard enough. "Please."

I bit my lip and braced myself as I slowly allowed my eyes to travel upwards. While my eyes wondered, I noticed he wasn't in his green scrubs; he was wearing his usual worn out jeans and tight brown T-shirt that he'd worn on the night I had turned up at his door after a beating from my husband. The flashback was vivid: my breathlessness from sprinting all the way from my prison to Adam's apartment, the relief in my sigh as he drew open the door, the look of shock and horror on his face as the blood on my head caught his attention.

"Kirsty… please?" Back to reality and I finally complied, gazing into his eyes. Our eyes locked for what seemed like minutes before I broke the tension.

"Sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize, Kirsty, you always apologize. You've got nothing to be sorry for." His voice was deep and sympathetic. His hand travelled to the side of my face and his thumb caressed my cheek as I bit my lip and submitted. But without apologizing, I didn't know what to say.

"Did you want the room?" I asked, preparing myself to face getting back to work.

"I did but… You going to tell me what these tears are for?" He asked, tenderly wiping them away.

"I – I don't know … everything is just… too much. I can't handle it-" I was talking between sobs, it must have sounded pathetic.

"Hey, shush…" He pulled me closer and began to play softly with my hair as I buried my head in his chest and curled arms around him tightly, unwilling to let go. I couldn't stand the innocent helplessness in his eyes. "Listen to me, you'll get through this, you always do."

"I don't think I can, Adam." His hand, gently rubbing my shoulder, stiffened slightly. "Nita's staying with her friend, it's like she can't stand to look at me… Without Nita or Warren the house seems so quiet… so cold… I feel so alone." I began to sob again, almost unknowingly clenching a handful of Adam's shirt with frustration. He pulled me off of him but didn't let go of my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes as if this was a major breakthrough.

"You don't have to do this alone."

"_My friends will support me all the way_. I know Adam. That's a bit cliché."

"That's not what I was going to say." I looked up at him, confused, but had a faint feeling of where this was going to go. He was suddenly blushing as I willed him to explain. "I mean… if you don't want to be on your own… you could come and stay… with me?"

I contemplated his offer for a moment. I wanted to say yes. Oh Lord, I wanted to say yes! But what if this complicated things further? I had feelings for him, strong feelings, but I didn't know if he felt the same way. And a single day after my husband's death, was it wrong to be so attracted to another man? Of course, it was his personality I was attracted to, the way he held me close, the way he acted as if he didn't matter; as if me and my needs were all that mattered, _the way he cared_. The muscles beneath the shirt were just a bonus. But did he feel it too?

"Oh, Adam… I couldn't… it's too much to ask." I half smiled a sorry smile.

"Kirsty, I would be honoured…" He stopped his sentence and thought carefully about what he meant to say. "-to help in any way I can."

My tears had stopped but I was welling up inside. I suddenly ached to say three words, three simple words, that could change my life. But decided against it, in fear that it was the heat of the moment that drove the crave.

***If you are reading this, THANK YOU! (: Please review!***


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of my shift passed painfully slowly, as I so longed for it to end. Between the frequent _''How are things, do you want to finish early?"_ enquiries from my fellow colleagues, I received constant sympathetic smiles from everyone in the department. But however annoying the air of sympathy towards me was in the ward, being stuck at home alone with nothing by my guilty conscience for company didn't appeal to me. Although now I had a reason to eagerly anticipate the end of my shift; a night alone with Adam, my shoulder to cry on.

Maybe tonight wouldn't complicate things. Maybe it would make things clearer. If, after tonight, I felt the same, or stronger, towards him, I would tell him how I felt. Regardless of my husband's death.

"Ohh, Kirsty, you couldn't make me one, could you?" Zoe entered the staffroom, where I was making myself a coffee while I waited for Adam.

"Sure." I half-smiled at her, too tired to be overly friendly.

"Thanks," She said, rummaging through her locker before walking towards me and placing her hand on my shoulder for the third time today. "Are you sure you're alright? Didn't expect you to be back so soon-"

"I'm fine, Zoe." I didn't mean to snap but my patience was wearing thin. Zoe threw me sceptical look but the glint of sympathy was still evident in her eyes.

"Okay." She said, withdrawing her hand and taking a mug from the cupboard, clearly choosing to make her own coffee. "How's Nita?"

"Wouldn't know… She's staying at her friend's." I added noticing the look of concern on her face. "We haven't exactly seen eye-to-eye lately. She's always been a Daddy's-girl. After yesterday, she went quiet on me, said she was staying at her friend's for a while and hasn't replied my calls since. I didn't argue with her, I didn't want to make her _hate_ me any more than she already does." I laughed once inwardly in a subconscious attempt to hide the pain in my words.

Zoe placed her hand on my back and rubbed gently. "Kirsty, she's your daughter, she doesn't hate you. She's just having a tough time, she's only young. She'll come round."

"Suppose so. Thanks, Zo." I gave her a small smile and straightened up. Neither of us had noticed the kettle boil and cool again.

"Do you mean to say you're living alone at the moment?" She asked. I nodded. "Oh, Kirsty, that's got to be tough. You need someone there for you in a time like this. Do you want to stay at mine tonight? Have a girly night in?" She gave a mischievous smile.

"Actually, Zoe, I beat you to it." We swung round to see Adam stepping through the threshold, obviously trying to hold back that boyish grin of his.

"Oh, I see." Zoe raised her eyebrows jokingly. "Well I'll leave you kids to it then." She left the room, throwing me a wink on the way out, and Adam and I were alone again.

He sauntered over and wordlessly pulled me into a close hug. "Wasn't interrupting anything, was I?" He asked.

"No-"

"I mean, you can go and have a girly night with Zoe if you'd prefer, although I wouldn't suggest it, you've seen what she's like when she comes in with a hangover, wouldn't want you coming in like that. That'd be a sight for sore eyes-"

I bashed him round the arm as he teased, a smile spreading helplessly across my face. "Hey! I may be a bit of a lightweight but-"

"God, ain't that true?" He interrupted sarcastically, smiling. But he was referring to the night I'd gotten tipsy after a few tequila shots, and kissed him passionately in the men's toilets in the bar; not a night I was proud of. Especially after the consequences of coming home to Warren in the early hours of the morning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…" He faded away. The smile on my face had vanished as I once again came to the recollection that my husband was dead. After a few minutes' silence, Adam added "Shall we?", indicating towards the door. I swung my bag over my shoulder and followed him out of the room.

***Sorry it's short! Next one'll be longer I promise! (: Please review!***


	3. Chapter 3

_(KIRSTY'S P.O.V.)_

I had been working for eight hours, had gotten no sleep the night before and hadn't eaten for days due to pure stress. My mind and body were exhausted. In the comfy leather passenger seat of Adam's car, as we sat and waited for the traffic lights to change, there was a comfortable silence between us. I rested my head against the window and closed my eyes for what seemed like a couple of seconds before I felt Adam's soft hand on my cheek, brushing a few stray brunette curls out of my face. My eyes flickered open sleepily, trying to focus on his hansom face, but my brain was too tired.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, or I'll have to kiss you." He joked, although I thought there was an element of hope in his voice. But that may have been my exhausted mind playing tricks on me.

"Can't I just sleep here?" I groaned, only half-awake.

"I think you'll find it's comfier upstairs." Through my tired, blurred eyes, I saw an admiring smile on his features as he stared sweetly at me. "Come on," He slid his arms underneath me and lifted me effortlessly out of the car, shutting the door with a smooth flick of his hips.

As fatigue began to overwhelm me once more, I curled my arms around his collar and closed my eyes as I buried my head into his broad shoulder.

_(ADAM'S P.O.V.)_

Like a love-sick teenager, I watched the steady rise and fall of her chest as she slept. Everything about her was so perfect; the way her wild brown locks matched her chocolate-brown eyes, the way that even as she slept she had that breath-taking smile on her lips. It warmed my heart to see her sleep as easily as she did. It was as if she hadn't slept in weeks, which I didn't doubt at all. But it was also as if while I was with her she felt comfortable and safe enough to let her guard down. But now that Warren was gone, she could always live fearlessly.

I had laid her down in my own bed, because it was ten times comfier than the mattress in the spare bedroom. I was initially planning on sleeping on the couch, but as I lay next to Kirsty my eyes began to feel heavy and I decided to stay with her. Placing my arm gently around her, she seemed to snuggle closer in her sleep. I fell asleep quickly. This felt so right.

(ADAM'S P.O.V)

The sun's warm bright rays seeped through the open blinds hanging in front of the window, forcing my brain to wake. I was glad to find that Kirsty was still with me; last time she had stayed over, she had left before I had even woken, and run back home to her husband. But this time, she had no one she needed to run home to. She hadn't even woken yet.

Far from leaving my side, she was almost laid on top of me. Her arms were wrapped closely around my waist, (and mine around hers), her exhausted head was snuggled into my chest and our legs were entwined.

Neither of us had work today, and I decided not to risk waking her. Instead, I embraced the opportunity and wrapped my arms even tighter around her, pulling her closer, never wanting this moment to end. But all good things do. My movement jostled her awake and her sleepy eyes blinked open.

I loosened my arms around her and allowed to sit up, as she did slowly.

"Sorry-" She apologized needlessly, snapping her arms and legs away quickly, as if she'd done something wrong.

"Don't be." I smiled and I saw her posture relax.

It wasn't awkward, but a silence followed. Neither of us knew what to say or do next. Rubbing her eyes sleepily, she stood up, attempted to tame her hair in the mirror but gave up within seconds, and turned to face me. I smiled dreamily at her, she looked like she wanted to say something. But she remained silent, wandered round the bed towards me, leant down and kissed me suddenly but sweetly on the cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered in my ear as she pulled back.

"Wow. I should sleep with you more often." I winked at her playfully.

She raised her eyebrows and bit her lip, trying to hide the grin on her face. "Ha-ha, funny!" She laughed sarcastically. "You ever get that far, you'll be _speechless_." She teased.

"Ohh!" I laughed, following her out of the room but she shut the door in my face playfully as she entered the bathroom and turned on the shower. "You hungry?" I called. No answer. Either she didn't hear me or she knew that I'd make her some breakfast regardless of her answer.

Knowing that it would probably go wasted because of Kirsty's stubbornness, I just made some toast and jam, with a glass of orange juice. But then, call me hypocritical, I ate nothing.

As she entered the kitchen, she shook her head in mock disapproval as the toast caught her eye.

"You shouldn't have." She tutted.

"Too late." I smiled.

She sat down opposite me at the table and took a few bites of her toast, I'm sure just to be polite.

"So, we've got all day off. What d'you wanna do?" I enquired.

"Well I guess I should go home, see if Nita's called." She answered solemnly.

"Don't be silly, Kirst, if she was desperate she'd have rung your mobile." She checked it but to no result. Nita must have been even more stubborn than her mother.

"Sure you don't want me to get out of your hair?"

"Stay as long as you want."

We smiled like love-sick teenagers as we gazed into each other's eyes. "So come on, what do you wanna do today?" I pushed. Boredom was one thing I couldn't stand. Jess had always said I was a workaholic… truth is I just hated being at home with nothing to do. "Go down town?" Kirsty shook her head slowly. "Cinema?" and again. "Romantic candle-lit dinner for two?" She gave a cute little chuckle as she bit her lip again.

"Could I go back and grab some clothes and stuff? I mean, if you meant what you said?" She gave a nervous smile, as if she felt like she was intruding.

"Sure! I'll come with you, or drive you, if you want?" I asked. She smiled that adorable smile and nodded.

***Love it or hate it? Please review! (:***


	4. Chapter 4

(KIRSTY'S P.O.V.)

As Adam parked the car outside my front door, it dawned on me how difficult it was going to be to face the house again. I had spent but a minute inside since Warren's death, when I had let Nita in to pack her bags. After that, I had returned to work, despite my fatigue, afraid to face the haunting memories the house brought back to life.

The engine cut off and I looked up; the sun had set and the house looked black from the outside in. Adam and I had spent practically the entire day in deep conversation about almost nothing. Yet, until now, it had been the nicest day in a long while.

I could feel Adam's eyes upon me as I gazed at the house. I made no effort to move, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The little light above the dashboard faded after a few silent, motionless minutes. My mouth felt dry and I was watching my hands shake in my lap.

"You don't have to do this. I'll go in and grab your stuff, if you want?" Adam's deep voice broke the silence.

"No, I've got to." I opened the car door decidedly and marched as confidently as I could up the steps towards the door. But as I fumbled in the dark for my keys in my pockets, my heart raced and in the moment of stress, a single tear slid down my cheek.

"Kirsty," Adam grabbed my arm and restricted my frantic search for my keys. I stopped and sniffled to compose myself. "Calm down, its okay. There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing in there that can hurt you. Not anymore." He stroked my cheek and, although I couldn't see his hansom face through the dark, there was a long moment of tension as he gazed down at me.

Slightly calmer, and breaking the tension between us, I dug my hand down into my hip pocket and located my keys.

A dark, threatening atmosphere seemed to linger through the hall as we stepped through the darkness. Although, it was apparent that Adam didn't feel it; he strode in casually, groping the walls for the light switch.

"You alright?"

My eyes were everywhere, my heart was pounding, my knees felt weak and my hands were shaking. "Let's just get some stuff and go." It wasn't a question, it was an order. I didn't want to spend any more time than necessary in this haunted home.

"You're a wreck." He stated.

"Thanks." I sighed sarcastically, trying to hide the pointless fear in my voice.

"I didn't mean it like that. Kirsty, go and sit down. I'll make you a cuppa and I'll grab your stuff." He held my arms to steady me.

Determined to look strong, I replied, "I'll make the drinks." I didn't want to face the rest of the house. The kitchen, the first room within the house, was as far as I cared to venture.

"Bedroom?" Adam asked, pointing a finger up the stairs. I nodded and he glided up them three at a time, flashing me a smile.

Shaking, I stepped into the kitchen, fixing my eyes on the floor while I fumbled for the light switch. I couldn't look around. These walls had been, more than once, the last thing I had seen before blacking out after a beating. Even looking at the walls, the fading bruises seemed to throb beneath my shirt and my head began to spin.

Grabbing the counter for support, I switched the kettle on, took some mugs out of the cupboard and stared at my trembling hands as I waited for it to boil.

Disgusting thoughts and horrific memories overwhelmed my mind, and words of anger and stifled screams of pain echoed in my ears. I closed my eyes as my brain screamed false warnings of danger.

"Kirsty," The rough, panting voice cut through the air and pierced my senses. I flinched instinctively, bringing my arms to shield my face and almost doubling over to protect myself from the vicious attack that was coming next.

"Kirsty, you're okay, its me." A soft hand laid on my shoulder, and another on my cheek. "It's okay, look at me. It's Adam, you're alright."

Instead of straightening up and attempting to down-play my mistake, like I usually did, my insides seemed to cave in on me.

I swayed backwards carelessly and slid my weight down against the wall until I was sat on the floor, where I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in my hands.

Adam seemed shocked and hurt. He hovered for a moment before kneeling beside me and rubbing my shoulder gently.

Too shaken to even spill the gathering unshed tears in my eyes, we sat in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"I'm sorry." I cried.

"For nothing." He replied.

"I thought you were gonna hurt me, I thought you were him."

"That's not your fault, Kirst, it's his. He's traumatized you." He sat back and leant against the wall with me, placing one arm around my shoulders and leaving the other open. I took the hint and obliged; curling my arms around him, nudging my head into his chest again and allowing the tears to fall.

After a few moments, our grips on each other loosened, Adam stood up and held out a hand to help me to my feet.

"Come on," He stroked my hair once as I stood in front of him and his thumb gently caressed my cheek. Our lips were within centimetres of meeting and, although it took all of my might, I managed to resist. I looked down suddenly, turning my head away.

He sighed almost inaudibly and lead the way out, grabbing the bag by the stairs as he went. I trailed through the front door after him and slammed it behind me, cursing myself under my breath.


End file.
